Blueberry eggos may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. It must be a full moon weekend.
All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy. It’s like a wine tasting for poor people. I don’t know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. As soon as he lost the election, the reception’s open bar became a cash bar.
I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen. She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug. I’m busy doing PR for America. Europeans think we can’t handle liquor. He pointed at some girls and said “I’m gonna have sex with them girls over there”, and disappeared.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system. That’s what you say about everyone. Do you know how hard it is to be while you’re high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom? Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn’t have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up. They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife.
Oh well, more for me then. We also send dope emails Forget to check the site? We’ll send our best texts, memes and weekly shenanigans straight to your inbox. 2009-2015 Texts From Last Night Inc.