SPOILER WARNING: Part 7 Spoiler valentine’s gift sets for him may follow. My heart and actions are utterly unclouded. They are all those of ‘Justice’.
Funny Valentine is the 23rd President of the United States and the true mastermind behind the Steel Ball Run race. Valentine is a Stand User, wielding his Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and its dimensional abilities to travel across parallel universes. Throughout the narrative, Valentine adopts two main appearances, differing greatly in build. He is originally introduced as an old, stout, overweight man, but around the time he takes the rib cage of the Saint, gains a more fit, muscular and handsome appearance. Araki attributes this to his naturally changing art style but also jokes that it is simply because Valentine “worked out.
After this, it is revealed that spanning his back, Valentine bears deep scars, in a pattern resembling that of the 21st-century flag of the United States. He also normally dons a smooth, uniform outfit, including an overcoat closed to the end of his torso. Under which he wears frilled garments and a pair of gloves with a net pattern on the upper half. The series is known for alternating colors between media, the information presented below may or may not be canon. Outfit: Pink coat and purple trousers. Funny Valentine is a dignified but immoral patriot, militant in his will to accomplish what he thinks is best for the United States. Valentine’s foremost characteristic is his deep patriotism.
Marked by the gruesome fate of his father, Valentine’s goal is that the United States stands over the rest of the world. To do so, he seeks the blessing of the Saint Corpse Parts, becoming ecstatic when the Corpse blesses him. Despite this, Valentine is also callous about the lives of individual Americans, never hesitating to sacrifice his own subordinates in his quest for the Corpse and going as far as to kill them himself if he deems it necessary. He also cruelly trapped a train engineer halfway through a mirror just to assure himself on one advantage. Valentine is a ruthless individual, having a might-makes-right attitude toward the world, constantly using the metaphor of “taking the napkin first” to signify his gain in power. He thinks that power is founded on authority, and part of the reason he wants the Corpse is to obtain a spiritual authority on par with the Vatican. In and out of combat, Valentine shows a careful and observant side, regularly watching and thinking about the situation to best see his strengths and vulnerabilities.
Valentine also demonstrates a generally dignified and composed attitude. He possesses a code of honor, first putting his patriotism above his own interests, and is a man of his words, never killing Steven Steel despite having reasons to, only because he swore an oath. Nonetheless, Valentine will twist this code whenever convenient and isn’t above lying to gain an advantage, notably feeding Johnny with false hopes and half-truths to persuade him into releasing him from Tusk. Funny Valentine is generally polite but cold toward any individual.
The only person he’s admitted to having loved is his father, confessing to having been searching for him across multiple universes, although that claim is dubious. Despite his marriage with Scarlet and the two sharing a certain fondness for each other, Valentine only appeared to be a little disturbed by her death. Valentine has a somewhat humorous quirk: he likes to take afternoon naps and orders everyone around him not to disturb him when he sleeps. When Lucy develops Ticket to Ride, Valentine may utilize a protective wall of light emanating from her which deflects all misfortune, bolstering his defense further as he becomes effectively invincible. He names this complementary ability “D4C – Love Train”.
According to his wife, he makes no sound when he walks, and he can even play the mandolin using his feet, simply dancing on it. When the President was a child, his father went to war, and never came back. One day, a soldier named Captain Valentine came to Funny’s house and told him that his father was captured by the enemy. After resisting intense torture, he committed suicide in order not to betray his country. Captain Valentine then gave to Funny. It is implied that Funny’s mother remarried with Captain Valentine some time later. While on an excavation, Valentine’s company perished in a desert.
Valentine himself, exhausted, fell onto the site of the Corpse’s Heart. His life was saved due to the Corpse’s power, and he inferred the existence of a complete Corpse. The Steel Ball Run race is a plot set up by Valentine and the down-on-his-luck promoter, Steven Steel, to scope through the United States to get the Saint Corpse Parts which were rumored to have life-changing power. By obtaining the corpse, Valentine, being a patriot, wishes to use its power to bring a better future to America by merging his stand and the corpse’s power to deflect all misfortunes befalling on his country to foreign countries. During the race, Valentine employs many assassins to kill both Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar, even having some participate in the race to get close to the duo. The majority of his subordinates are Stand users, such as Blackmore, Mike O.
Once learning that the Corpse parts were embedded within Lucy, he had her live with him, knowing that she was disguised as his wife, and in the hopes of taking the Corpse parts out of her when the time was right. After seeing Lucy for what she truly is, he holds her until the Corpse’s power is at its fullest. He hires D-I-S-C-O to stall Gyro so he can kill Johnny himself. Johnny and eliminate the three at once. He takes off in a train to protect Lucy from Diego and Hot Pants, while Ticket to Ride takes form. He makes several clones to fight off the two but is nearly killed by Diego.